Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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