There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
