I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
