I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
