I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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