I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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