I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
