God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
