my soul wont recognize me after tonight
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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