So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
