She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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