So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
