you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
