So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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