im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
