Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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