I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
