He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
