Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
