you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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