now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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