Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
