so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
