I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
