I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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