I seem to have left my pride at pride
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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