No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
