but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
