Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
