If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
