How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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