im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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