I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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