So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
