he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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