Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
