If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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