Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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