Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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