Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
