I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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