First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
