i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He shit in the fireplace
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
