I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
