If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
