drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
