take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
