Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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