Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
