I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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