Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
