I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
