Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
