I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
