But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
