guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
