i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
