If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
